Challenging Behaviours: Hitting

Any time your child is aggressive, they are communicating. Infants and toddlers do not have the brain maturity to express their needs through language. They do not yet understand social behaviours such as sharing, waiting, and taking turns.  Learn what you can about child development and your child’s characteristics. Knowledge about what to expect at each stage will help you deal more effectively with your child’s behaviours.

Your child’s temperament can impact how they react toward others and their environment.

You may be tempted to yell or use physical punishment. However, when parents use physical force, they send a message to their children that hitting is okay. Studies have proven that when children are exposed to physical punishment, they are at risk of violent behaviours throughout their life.

Your child needs you to teach them how to behave and express their needs without using physical force.

Try the following:

• Respond quickly and calmly.
• Say “no” to your child, firmly but gently.
• Turn your attention to the child that was hurt. Show concern for this child. Paying attention to the child that it hurt (which is necessary) shows your child that aggressive behaviours do not result in more attention being paid to them. It also models sympathy and concern for the child who is hurt, which helps your child learn empathy.
• Help the children move to the next activity.
• If the behaviour continues, it may be better to move away from the situation with your child until they have calmed down.
• When things have settled, talk to your child about what happened and what they can do next time instead of hitting.

Also consider:

• When reading books to your child, label the characters’ emotions.
• Singing songs that include emotional words such as “When you’re happy, and you know it.”
• Looking for the positive behaviours and giving loads of attention and praise, e.g., “Mommy is so happy you picked up your toys!”

Children need time to learn new behaviours. They need conversations about things that happen in their day to learn and make sense of them. Responding to your child in positive ways helps build your relationship. Providing structure before these behaviours happen is important, as well as providing support to your child after they have misbehaved. If the things, you try don’t seem to be working then rethink the situation and try again.