Family Violence and Infants

An infant’s world feels unsafe and insecure when they hear frightening events. Each child and situation are different, but exposure to violence at home or in the community, particularly ongoing and intense violence, can lead to problems in their daily lives and harm their natural, healthy development.

Adults in abusive homes often think that their infants do not know about the abuse or that it does not affect or harm the child. But even children who are not directly abused are affected. Also, the parent-child bond weakens when parents cannot regularly respond to an infant’s needs.

Infants in abusive environments use much of their brains to feel safe, so less of the brain is available for healthy growth and development. Infants experience brain changes due to this stress which affects their physical, emotional, and mental development and their ability to form healthy relationships.

Signs in infants exposed to violence

Infants exposed to family violence may display some of the following behaviours:

• Faster heart rates, even during sleep.
• Anxiety and fear may inhibit an infant’s desire to play and explore.
• Loud noises or images of violence may cause distress, e.g., crying.
• Be irritable or fussy or have difficulty calming down.
• Become easily startled.

How to help

The best way to help infants is to make sure that they feel safe by:

• Staying calm and reinforcing a stable and secure environment.
• Keeping a regular schedule or routine for meals, quiet time, playtime, and bedtime.
• Spending more time together as a family away from violence.
• Giving extra attention, comfort, and encouragement.

What do I do when I feel I might hurt my child?

Children have the right to be safe from harm and abuse. If you feel you might hurt your child, getting help is best for your child and yourself. Examples of harmful behaviour towards children include:

• Using physical force– for example, hitting, kicking, biting, or shaking children.
• Neglecting children’s physical or emotional needs – for example, not taking them to the doctor when sick, not giving them enough food or drink, or leaving them alone for long periods.
• Acting in ways that make children feel unloved or worthless – for example, regularly yelling at them.

In the moment

• Stop yourself from reacting. If you’re holding your child, put them down gently where they’re safe.
• If someone you trust is nearby, ask them to take over for a while. Do something that soothes you – for example, listen to some music, go for a run, or take a shower.
• Take deep breaths.
• If it’s safe, walk away from your child for 10-15 minutes alone.
• If you can’t walk away from your child, sit nearby, and breathe. Try blocking your ears or using noise-cancelling headphones if your child is loud.
• Call someone to talk you through the moment, like a family member, a friend, or a support helpline.

When you’re calmer

• Think about what has happened and how it’s affecting you and your child.
• Do something to improve the situation. For example, change your family routine or try stress management.
• Get support to make changes.

By seeking help, you’re doing the best thing possible for your child, your family and yourself.

Services related to this information:

• NL Dept of Advanced Education, Skills and Labour (AESL): Victims of Violence
  • If you would like additional information, or would like to speak to an AESL representative, call 1-877- 729-7888 (any time of day or night).
• Intimate Partner Violence and Abuse, RCMP
• Transition House Association of Newfoundland and Labrador
• Help Lines
  • Parent Help Line – 1-888-603-9100
  • Kids Help Phone – 1-800-668-6868
  • Mental Health Services Crisis Line – 811
  • Sexual Assault Crisis and Prevention Centre – 1-800-726-2743
• The Public Legal Information Association of Newfoundland and Labrador Information for Victims of Family Violence