When children bite, hit, or start to kick and scream in the grocery store, parents can find it very unsettling. A deep breath may be your first step. Keep reminding yourself that children are learning how to behave in acceptable ways. Their challenging behaviours are often a sign of their developmental level rather than spite.
One way to deal with challenging behaviours is to prevent them. But there may be times when your child behaves in ways that will challenge your patience despite all your best efforts. Your child is working on building the skills they need to control their behaviour.
How you discipline or teach your child will depend on your child’s age, stage of development, temperament, and many other factors. It is important when you are taking that deep breath to remind yourself that your child’s behaviour may be appropriate for their age and level of development. Here are some tips:
Start with play (click to expand) »
- You may have heard that “play is the work of a child.” It is through play that your child will learn language skills, how to take turns, rules, cooperation and much more. These skills all lead to helping your child cope with their emotions and to express how they feel in positive ways. Check out some of these suggestions for play with your child.
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Redirect to another activity (click to expand) »
- Redirection—switching from one activity to another—works well with toddlers and some older children.
- When you redirect your child, be sure to explain with words what you don’t want them to do and why.
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Use logical consequences (click to expand) »
- Apply clear consequences for your child’s actions that relate to the behaviour. For example, if your preschooler intentionally throws food on the floor, make sure they help you clean up the mess. When the mess is cleaned up, the consequence is over. If your child is old enough, you may want to discuss other ways to express what they are feeling.
- You can take away a privilege when there isn’t a clear consequence. For young children, this must happen right away. For example, a four-year-old child is excited to go swimming, but the child in front of them is not moving fast enough, so they push that child into the pool. The parent takes the child away from the pool, explains that they must wait their turn and that pushing people is not acceptable and is hurtful. The next day, they go back to the pool, and the parent reminds the child of the expectations.
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Encourage problem-solving (click to expand) »
- Solving problems helps your child learn about the consequences of their actions. Allow your child to help find a solution to misbehaviour, and they will be more likely to make it happen.
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Services related to this information:
- Contact your Public Health Nurse or healthcare provider to discuss your child’s behaviour.
- Contact your local Family Resource Centre for parenting programs and support.
- 811 HealthLine (Newfoundland & Labrador) – Call 811 or 1-888-709-2929 / TTY 1-888-709-3555
