11/23/2024

Family Violence and Teens

When parents cannot regularly respond to a teen’s needs, the parent-child bond weakens. Teens may become prematurely independent or have poorly developed respectful communication skills, resulting in increased conflict with parents, teachers, or peers. They may also have other reactions, such as taking on inappropriate responsibilities for their age, caring for other family members or protecting a parent’s safety during episodes of violence. Teens are often physically hurt when they enter a violent dispute to save a parent from further harm.

Family violence can make adolescence more difficult. The teen may:

  • Run away from home.
  • Leave home at a young age.
  • Drop out of school.
  • Abuse alcohol or drugs.

What are the signs in teens exposed to violence?

Teenagers who are exposed to violence may display some of the following behaviours and signs:

  • Anxiety and fear.
  • Lack of interest in or feelings about anything.
  • Either talk about the event all the time or deny that it happened.
  • Refuse to follow the rules or talk back with more frequency.
  • Engage in risky behaviours.
  • Sleep more or less than usual.
  • Increase aggressive behaviours.
  • Want to be alone, not even wanting to spend time with friends.
  • Experience frequent nightmares.

You can help

The best way to help is to make sure that they feel safe. Teenagers should not be forced to talk about the event. Still, they should have the facts if they request it and an opportunity to provide their perspective on the violent act.

You can help teens cope with the impact of exposure to violence by:

  • Remaining calm and reinforcing a stable and safe environment.
  • Encouraging them to express their feelings by listening to and hearing them.
  • Keeping a regular schedule or routine.
  • Spending more time together as a family.
  • Providing extra attention, comfort, and encouragement.
  • Ensuring they know the violence they witnessed or experienced was not their fault.

What can I do to prevent violence?

You are your teen’s most important role model. You can shape their attitudes and behaviour by:

  • Letting them know that violence is never OK.
  • Being a role model for respect in your relationships.
  • Helping your teen develop respectful attitudes.
  • Treating others equally, fairly and in the same way you want to be treated.
  • Let your teen know that people have diverse views, beliefs, values, religions, and cultural practices.
  • Teaching them to show respect even when they don’t agree with someone’s values or opinions.
  • Letting your teen know everyone makes mistakes and learns from those mistakes.
  • Communicating openly without yelling or aggression towards them in an argument.

How do I talk to my teen about violence?

Conversations and role-modelling will help your teen develop and keep respectful relationships. And open discussions send the message that they can come to you to talk about their relationships and emotions.

Violence can be a challenging topic to talk about. It’s often best to use everyday activities and events to help your teen learn about respect:

  • Teach your teen how to recognize aggression and violence. Teasing, name-calling, and bullying are forms of verbal and emotional violence. Hitting, pushing, punching, and smacking others are forms of physical violence.
  • Let them know that there’s no excuse for violent or aggressive behaviour from peers, and they don’t have to put up with it. Teach your teen to say, ‘Stop – I don’t like it.”
  • Let them know how to tell peers to stop being violent or aggressive towards others and themselves. For example, they could say, “Stop it – that’s not OK.”
  • Never excuse rude, rough, or violent behaviour.
  • Show your teen how to resolve conflicts by problem-solving to sort out disagreements.

A teenager who can say, “Stop – I don’t like it,” is more likely to grow into a confident person who can tell others what they want and don’t want in relationships.

What do I do when I feel I might hurt my child?

Teenagers have the right to be safe from harm and abuse. If you feel you might hurt them, getting help is best for your teen and yourself.

In the moment:

  • Stop yourself from reacting.
  • Take deep breaths.
  • Take 10-15 minutes alone.
  • Do something that soothes you – for example, listen to music, go for a run, or take a shower.
  • Call someone like a family member, a friend, or a support helpline.

When you’re calmer:

  • Think about what has happened and how it’s affecting you and your teen.
  • Do something to improve the situation. For example, change your family routine or try stress management.
  • Get support to make changes.

By seeking help, you’re doing the best thing possible for your teenager, your family, and yourself.

Services related to this information:

http://hi.easternhealth.ca/healthy-living/injury-prevention/family-violence/family-violence-and-teens/
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Last updated: 2024-11-20