Relationships

Healthy relationships can improve all aspects of your life.

They can strengthen your mental health and wellness, build connection, and make life happier and more satisfying. Healthy relationships don’t just happen. They take work and effort. There can be ups and downs in all relationships. All relationships are unique. If a relationship isn’t working, it can cause stress and strain.

What helps to make a relationship healthy?

• Communication. Honest, open and direct communication is a key ingredient in any healthy relationship. When we feel comfortable expressing ourselves the bonds of trust are strengthened. Even non-verbal cues like body language (eye contact, facial expression, leaning forward, etc.) can communicate our interest. It is important to listen attentively and use both our verbal and non-verbal cues respectfully.
• Healthy Boundaries. Boundaries teach people how to treat us and help us to have positive self-esteem. Placing healthy boundaries around your time, energy, and resources (e.g., money) is important for our relationships to thrive. As people, we all have different needs for time, space, and energy. It’s important to recognize and respect other people’s boundaries as well as our own. This way our relationships will grow stronger and have more long-term potential.
• Keep personal interests alive. Having friends and other interests not only strengthens your social network, but they bring new insights to your relationship, too.
• Work through conflict. Conflict is inevitable, but when you are having a conflict with another person, the key is to feel safe so that you can express yourself honestly.
• Keep the connection alive. Some relationships can get stuck or feel like you are just going through the motions of coexistence without truly relating to one another or working together.

Healthy relationships take work and respect for one another. Being involved in someone’s life is a privilege we must work to maintain. It’s important to have a good understanding of who that individual is and what is important to them and for them to know the same about you.

How do I know if my relationship is healthy or not?

We all experience relationship difficulties. What makes a relationship unhealthy, however, is when the unhealthy actions outweigh the healthy ones. This might be hard to put into perspective. Try reflecting on your own relationship through journaling – a powerful practice. Take time to note the healthy and unhealthy aspects of your relationship when they occur. This may help you to better understand and see the big picture of your relationship. Some signs a relationship is growing unhealthy can be:

• Lack of communication
• Not feeling seen/heard
• Not respecting boundaries or personal needs
• Verbal and/or physical violence

What are the signs of an abusive relationship?

Abusive relationships can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, especially when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to physical violence. While physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, and can cause you to feel anxious, depressed, helpless, desperate and alone. We all deserve to be in relationships that make us feel connected, safe, and supported. Noticing and acknowledging the signs of an abusive relationship are the first steps to ending it.

There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. Other signs include if your partner belittles or tries to control you. If you feel like you must constantly watch what you say in order to avoid conflict, chances are your relationship is unhealthy and/or abusive. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in these warning signs and descriptions of abuse, reach out. Help is available (see local resources below).

I think my friend is in an abusive relationship. What can I do?

It’s impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind closed doors, but if you think someone you know is being abused, speak up! Hesitating or telling yourself it’s not your concern may mean the difference between life or death. Express your concern by asking how your friend is and tell them you are there for them if they need you. Connect them with support by helping them reach out to trusted family members, friends and community or health-care providers.

Sometimes problems in a relationship may seem too complex or overwhelming to handle on your own. Remember it’s not your fault and you are not alone.

Services related to this information:

• Iris Kirby House – Phone: 1 (709) 753-1492 / Toll-free: 1 (877) 753-1492 / Text: (782) 821-7463
• O’Shaughnessy House – Phone: 1 (709) 596-8709 / Toll-free: 1 (888) 596-8709
• NL Provincial Domestic Violence Help Line – Call/Text: 1 (888) 709-7090 (toll-free)
• Newfoundland and Labrador Sexual Assault and Prevention Centre – Crisis Line – 1-800-726-2743
  24 Hour Crisis Support and Information Line
• Bridge the Gapp
  Newfoundland and Labrador’s ‘go-to’ website for mental health information. Bridge the Gapp offers self-help resources, links to local services, and invites people to share their personal stories. Bridge the Gapp is free of cost and available to every resident in the province. The site is divided into adult and youth sections, however many services are appropriate for both.
• 811 HealthLine (Newfoundland & Labrador) – Call 811 or 1-888-709-2929 / TTY 1-888-709-3555